September 2019
It seems like yesterday I was dropping my son off at SJV pre-school. He had been quite ill at the time and my fear of letting someone else care for him took my breath away. I stood quietly in the hallway after he went into the classroom for what seemed to be hours. I was afraid because he had respiratory problems and he was crying so hard that I knew there was a chance he would have difficulty breathing and I didn’t know if they would know how to help him like I did. After about 15 minutes (wasn’t really hours) his teacher came out and gently took my hand and assured me I could leave, that he had stopped crying and they would take good care of him. As I turned to walk out of the school another mother asked me if it was my first child to go to preschool. I realized she had been standing in the same hallway with me, assuming with the same tears in her eyes. I smiled at her and said “No, he’s my third child, you’d think it would get easier.” She understood just what I meant, one mother to another.
Fast forward 15 years and I feel like that same mom again but this time I’m standing in a college room helping that same child unpack his things knowing that this time when I drop him off I wouldn’t be coming back at the end of the day to get him, this time he was on his own making his way into a whole new world and he couldn’t wait. As his roommate (a fellow CHS graduate and friend) and my son started to unpack their things with the help of their tearful moms, I knew, though as sad as I was, that this was what I raised him to do, what we all raise our children to do, become independent. So the answer to that question of “Does it get easier with each child?” Absolutely not!
When I looked around I noticed most of the parents had the same look on their faces; confusion, fear (though not sure if the fear was the letting go part or the college payments around the corner), excitement, pride and a touch of sadness, not for their children but for themselves, at the thought of letting go. After we finally settled the boys in we took them to lunch then headed back to the dorms. We jokingly asked the boys if they wanted us to come in and finish setting the room up, I don’t have to tell you what the answer was to that. We knew it was time to say good-bye and let them start exploring their new world which they couldn’t wait to do. I hugged my son as he whispered to me that it was OK to leave, he would be fine…just go mom, don’t cry. So with a heavy heart filled with happiness for him I got in the car and I cried from Rowan University to exit 131 on the Parkway.
I knew that the tears rolling down my face were because I knew at that moment, once again life had changed, for the better of course, but they still changed. But life is about change and without change we would never move ahead, we would never become better and we would never find out where our place is in this world. Sometimes we stumble, sometimes we get lost but they are things that help build our character and give us courage and strength along the way as we walk forward to become the best we can all be. After all what else could you wish for your child than health, happiness and love, that’s what binds us all together.
As we move ahead in our lives so will our children, sometimes they will need our strength and courage to guide them and sometimes we will need theirs. So whether you pick them up at the end of the day, they drive themselves home in a month or they come visit you with their own children, remember life is about change and knowing that no matter where that change leads you, you can always come back home.
Wishing all of your children and grandchildren a wonderful school year and for those who have graduated and are starting out in the real world, I wish you a successful future.
